| questions...before tess kills me |
[08 Jul 2007|10:11pm] |
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1) Let's say a magical genie came down and granted you three wishes... BUT! along with the usual stipulations (no wishing for more wishes, no killing, and no making anyone fall in love with you) the genie says that none of your wishes could be for anything sensible or practical (i.e. a house, world peace, etc)... What would you wish for?
Hmmm.... I would wish for a teleporter because that would be kickass. I would wish for a machine that gives me whatever type of drink that I wanted (alcoholic and non). Third, a belt that allows me to poop ice cream, and pee chocolate sauce and sometimes butterscotch.
2) Ka-Pow! You've magically been turned into a Superhero. What is your Superhero Name, Superpower, and SuperUniform?
I would have the ability control people's bowels. I would have a skin tight brown outfit that accentuates my crotch, with a corn-colored mask. The villians will call me "Shit, Man!".
3) In an ideal world where money wasn't an issue, what would you like to do with your life?
I would be an actor. I would spend my life on stage. Then, I'd chill.
4) If you could travel anywhere outside the country, where would you like to go, and what would you do once you're there?
I'd like to go to Ireland, get drunk, kiss the Blarney Stone, vomit in a field, drink more, write a limerick in Limerick about Limerick, drink Limerick, and sing pub songs.
5) If you could bitch slap ANYONE (historical or current person, any location) without any repercussions, who would you bitch slap, and why? (In fact, give me your top 5.)
YESSSSSSSSS
#5: Carl Marx, then I'd say "Stop it! It just doesn't work!" Stupid commie.
#4: The Room Store Woman. I'd put it all together...across her face!! I would be a hero.
#3: Hitler. I think legally I have to.
#2: Avril Lavingne because she is possibly the worst singer ever. She's not punk rock. SHE"S NOT ANYTHING!! She's got Gollum teeth. No talent. NOTHING!
#1: (drum roll) L. Ron Hubbard because Scientologists seem to forget that he was a fiction writer who stole lots of money.
Questions from ortugatay:
-If you could meet any three people, living or dead, who would they be?
(I'm gonna throw out Jesus from this question bc he's the easy answer)
I would want to meet Aristotle, Teddy Roosevelt, and Oscar Wilde. I would hope all at once. That's an awesome lunch.
-Who would you put your money on in a fight: ninjas, zombies, pirates, or cowboys?
I would have to go with ninjas. They are sneakier than the others. Also, I think ninjas would let the pirates and cowboys waste all the ammo killing the zombies, then totally kill them all because they are ninjas and that's how they roll.
-What cartoon character would you be?
Tough question. I've been told that I'd be Linus, Charlie Brown, and Doug. I would have to say I'm most like Charlie Brown. I have a gigantic head and lots of problems.
-5 current favorite movies?
Let's go with Garden State, Last of the Mohicans, Phiadelphia Story, LA Confidential, and Shaolin Soccer...it's awesome.
-Favorite mode of transportation?
hoverbike....you didn't say that it had to be real.
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| Anno Duex |
[06 Jun 2007|08:37pm] |
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Tomorrow, Thursday June 7, I will be finishing up my second year teaching. This is what I have learned:
1. Children in middle school smell. Not a normal stink, but a super-stink. A mixture of poop, hoagie, and some sort of dead animal, perhaps a badger.
2. I'm too sarcastic for children of this age. These kids do not understand the wit and pure dry humor of their teacher.
3. I patronize kids. I don't care what they did this weekend, unless it was actually cool.
Student: "This weekend I went to the movies."
Me : "That's nice"
Student: "My mom says you patronize me."
Me: ..."yup"
4. I am smarter than a 5th grader...and taller.
5. Trying to explain math to middle schoolers is difficult. Explaining it 40 more times makes you both homocidal and suicidal....sometimes regecidal.
6. Children's voices can reach decibels that cause you to bleed from the eyes causing your brain to try to implode inside your skull, but it can't, so it decides to stab the inside of your head and play Cheap Trick songs until you piss yourself and pass out for two hours.
7. Children can eat an insane amount of food. Today, a student ate popcorn, two pieces of pizza, two cookies, a piece of cake, a cup cake, a snickers ice cream bar, and two ice cream sandwiches...in a matter of 20 minutes.
8. I am still not cool. Not only that, I'm not cool and I'm old.
9. I am still awesome at kickball, but I go a little overboard. Two days ago, I pegged a kid with the ball, leaving the indents of the ball in his leg. I told him to walk it off and stop whining. He was still out.
10. Everyone is crazy. All the students. All the teachers. All the invisible people that tell me to burn things. We are all nuts. You have to be to do what we do.
Sweet lord, may God have mercy on us all.
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| Virginia Tech |
[16 Apr 2007|05:46pm] |
So, I got a call this afternoon from Juls telling me that there was a shooting at Virginia Tech. These sent a shockwave through my body, because my cousin Chuck goes to VT. I frantically called home, and luckily Chuck was fine. Then, I received this email from Chuck's parents (my uncle and aunt):
Chuck is fine...this morning, he was getting ready to go from his apartment to campus when he heard that the campus was on a lockdown...he was to attend class at 11:00 in Norris Hall, where 32 people were killed.
Wow. If his class was a bit earlier, he could have been killed. What a scary thought?
I will never understand how someone could take a life. I think back to those average days on campus, walking to class without a care in the world...or when my cares consisted of getting to the library in time to print my paper for class. I can't imagine having something like that happen on our campus.
What a scary world we live in?
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| Juls questions |
[08 Mar 2007|10:09pm] |
1. If you were to roll over tomorrow morning to find Kevin spooning you, what is the first thing you'd say?
"Listen, kev, we discussed this! There are no boogeymen, ghosts, monsters, or Bea Arthurs in your closet. You need to sleep in your own bed."
2. If you had to lose one limb, which would you choose?
My left arm...it's pretty useless. I do everything right handed. EVERYTHING.
3. When are you going to go to the dentist?
Soon. My teeth will soon fall out and I will need to discuss my options with my oral specialist.
4. If you could get a million dollars for making out with one of your male friends, who would you tongue??
Matty B. of course. What man can resist the magnificant god that is Matty B? Plus, he seems like a cuddler.
5. Can we get sushi this weekend?
No, but we can get it tomorrow, which is friday. Friday is not the weekend. So there it is.
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| From Molly |
[08 Mar 2007|06:23pm] |
-If you could have any job in the universe, what would it be?
I would really love to be an actor, but I don't want to deal with the game. So, maybe I would want to be an prof. who does acting on the side
for fun.
-What's your favorite animal at the zoo?
Prarie dogs. I love the little guys. They are like tiny little fuzzy children...who live underground and team up to kill predators.
-What period of history do you enjoy studying the most? (Or, alternatively, what did you study the most of in college?)
oo that's a toughy. I really love the American Revolution period. The founding fathers were so hypocritical and interesting. I mean who doesn't love Ben Franklin, with his bifocals and his teaming up to kill predators.
-Who first started calling you "Mikey" (instead of, say, Mike or Michael or Pooface)?
Well, my family started calling me Mikey bc they had to distinguish me from my Uncle Mike. My original nickname was melonhead. I had a gigantic noggin. I could barely hold it up. I needed a crutch for it.
-If you were suddenly given the ability to cook one item of food perfectly, what would you choose?
I would love to be able to cook eggs perfectly. Really, I would. I can always figure out what to make for dinner, but I would love to be able to cook breakfast perfectly. Chicks dig that....and by chicks I mean Julianne....and by Julianne, I mean mythical Julianne because she doesn't like having a big breakfast. So, I guess I should change my answer to chicken.
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| I'm a monster |
[18 Jan 2007|07:29pm] |
Captain: "Sir, the alien snowmen are attacking"
General: "Quick, send out the kirate fighters"
Capt: "But, we have no planes"
General: "Give them the experimental prototypes. We might have a chance as long as they didn't bring the monkey."
Capt: "Look"
General: "May God have mercy on us all."
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[07 Dec 2006|09:01pm] |
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Do they know it's Christmas BNL Version |
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1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Am I allowed to mix them...they are both so delicious.
2. Does Santa wrap the presents or just set them under the tree?
He wraps them, places them in a pile, and sets them on fire. The ones we stamp out we get to keep.
3. Colored or white lights on the tree/house?
Colored, because I support and appreciate all colors.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but I do eat it. The burning is normal right? Right? Right!?
5. When do you put up your decorations?
Usually a couple weeks before Christmas.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
Hmmm...I enjoy pie. Pumpkin pie!!!
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
Well, the Merry F-ing Christmas, B*^%#! Christmas. But, I think I enjoyed the Christmas when I got my He-Man walky-talkies.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
That he is a jolly fat man who loves cookies, milk, elves, fat chicks, cocaine-addicted reindeer, watching children sleep, and breaking into houses....I found out very early in life.
9. Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve?
NO WAY! That's Illegal. Zwarte Piet will come and beat us with birch.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Festively.
11. Snow! Love or Dread it?
Love it. The first snowfall I run around outside like I'm 4.
12. Can you ice skate?
I can. I may fall, but I stay up for quite a while.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift as a child?
My grandma Gooch bought my family a Nintendo. I learned how to kick ass at Super Mario Bros...well after my dad played for 5 hours. He stayed up until 3AM playing Zelda.
14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Family. We sit around and sing Christmas carols. We have our song sheets that we've had for years.
15. Favorite holiday dessert?
The Christmas Sahara...oh wait...dessert...anything with sugar.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
The Christmas Picture...we take a picture of my family on the steps of our house.
17. What tops your tree?
My soda can angel. One year, my family was moving, but we had two houses. All the ornament were at our NJ house, but we were in MD. So, I took a soda can, drank it, rinsed it out, put a hole in the bottom, put a Christmas ball in the hole, used tape to secure a wire to make a halo, covered the wire with Hershey Kiss wrappers, wrapped the whole can in ribbon with wire and ribbon wings, and kick ass angel it is.
18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Um......
19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
"Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by the BOSSSSSS!
20. Candy Canes! yum or yuck?
I like the stiped kinds.
21. What is your favorite holiday movie?
"Charlie Brown Christmas"...I'm Linus.
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| so true |
[02 Nov 2006|08:04pm] |
| What American accent do you have? Your Result: Philadelphia Your accent is as Philadelphian as a cheesesteak! If you're not from Philadelphia, then you're from someplace near there like south Jersey, Baltimore, or Wilmington. if you've ever journeyed to some far off place where people don't know that Philly has an accent, someone may have thought you talked a little weird even though they didn't have a clue what accent it was they heard. | | The Midland | | | The Northeast | | | The South | | | The Inland North | | | Boston | | | The West | | | North Central | | What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes |
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| hmmm |
[29 Oct 2006|04:03pm] |
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Kevin chewing |
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So, as I always do, I have neglected my livejournal. This is due to the fact that I'm lazy, and I just don't feel like writing about my life. I usually just wait until something in life or mostly politics pisses me off. Then, I write a long rant on how I disagree or hate something. This time I will make it short.
Please lay off Michael J. Fox. He is not evil. He is not bad-mouthing Jewish people. He is not trying to steal babies from Africa. He is not trying to make money for himself. He's just trying to help sick people in the best way he can.
See. That was short.
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| WARNING POLITICAL RANT |
[06 Oct 2006|01:26am] |
So, I have a new favorite word: coercion. Our Congress, in it's invinite wisdom, has given the President of the United States the power to "interpret" the decisions made by the Geneva Convention. The Geneva Convention, or really Geneva Conventions, is/are a group of decisions, ratified by many different countries, that address the treatment of military persons, prisoners of war, and civilians during times of war. They are set up to protect the lives of troops and innocent people.
These international laws were due to the work of Jean-Henri Dunant, who witnessed wounded soldiers being stabbed with bayonets and shot during and after the Battle of Solferino during the Austro-Sardinian War. (I'm boring you now).
These laws protect soldier and civilians from being unjustly killed, or worse tortured. They protect civilian women from being raped. They protect our troops overseas. Most importantly, they protect our troops in a certain area in the Middle East. At the same time, these laws protect the innocent civilians in Iraq.
Now, Congress has given the President the right to bend these laws. The new bill that passed allows the President to use coercion when interrogating people...civilians or suspected terrorists or insurgents. The President cannot rape or kill those people, nor can he disfigure them. He can use coercion, which is a fancy way of saying torture. Now, let's say, an American soldier is captured and tortured. Should this be allowed? If we do it, it's perfectly fine. If a country does it to us, it's barbaric. No wonder the world hates us.
On a side note, Bush cannot say pronounce common words and calls people "evil-doers", and we are trusting him to interpret things.
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| Holy Crap |
[11 Aug 2006|06:26pm] |
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"Mr. Blue Sky" |
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It's been a long time since I've written anything. But if you reply to this, I will write a clever limerick about you.
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| Juls gave me an S... |
[09 May 2006|09:10pm] |
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Kevin chewing |
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So ten things that make me happy starting with an "S"...hmmmmm...let's do this.
1. Sugar-- Now, I've noticed that most of the day is putting sugar into my body, and although this has lead to some weight gain, it still makes me happy.
2. Sexypants-- this refers to my Juls. More importantly, 'sexypants' shows up on her mom's cell phone when she calls her. AWESOME
3. Stars-- First, they are big balls of gas, allowing me to use the words "big balls" and "gas" in the same sentence. Second, they are very cool and pretty. Third, they have cool configurations. Fourth..LOOK Orion's belt! Let's make out!
4. Spoons-- I like eathing things off spoons. I like spooning with my sexypants. I like playing the spoons...with my band Stinky McPete and the Butter Boys!!!
5. Sunny days-- do you ever go outside at like 10 o'clock on a sunny day? There's a smell in the air, like the world warming up. The greatest thing in the world.
6. Simpsons, The-- well, duh.
7. Silly Kids-- I love kids. I love when kids can say "boo-yah" and pee on carpets. BOO YAH.
8. Superheroes-- Every boy wants to be a superhero. I wanted to be spiderman, wolverine, or batman. I watched the cartoons religiously. I can't wait to see the movies. I'm a dork.
9. Songs-- I love songs. The way words are put together. The way they flow and the incredible things you can do to make a song.
10. Sushi-- I debated whether or not to put this. It's not the sushi that makes me happy. It's the company when I get sushi. I always get it with Juls, and we have a wonderful date. We talk and smile and everything melts away.
Life is sweet...i'm tired.
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| Thanksgiving vacation of driving |
[27 Nov 2005|03:59pm] |
This has been one of the best weekends of my life.
Wednesday night-
I went to a lovely film called "Walk the Line" about that loveable scamp named Johnny Cash. While I do enjoy the screwball comedy, I was very surprised how much drama was in this film. I thought that the life of Johnny Cash, or the man in black, would have more Stooge-esque moments. This movie was the worst comedy I have ever seen.
Thursday- Turkey Day
I spend the early afternoon making a broccoli and cheese dish for the Marton family. I made my way to Laurel, and entered the household of my girlfriends parents. Upon entering the abode, I was bombarded by the smells of Thanksgiving. I gorged myself on poultry, tubers, and bread crumbs that had been shoved up a large bird. I sat with Jul's dad at the kiddie table, discussed politics, sports, chicks that had broken our hearts...he cried on my shoulder, I cried on his...much love. After the meal, we made the long journey to visit Jul's hetero-lifepartner Amanda, who had been enjoying her own holiday meal. We talked and laughed until the morning hours. Then, we made the long trek back. That night, I dreamed of yams and what would happen on the morrow.
Friday- Let's Get Hitched
I awoke on this cold November morning ready to take a mystical journey to the land of New Jersey. Excitedly, I packed my things, picked up my woman, and started driving. I arrived in the Garden State refreshed and ready for action. My parents' house was bustling with anticipation of my arrival: My brother groggy and unshowered, my sister crying and bitchy. I was given my duty for the day. I was to give a reading at the ceremony, and be emcee of the reception. I was anxious, but this was the time when heroes are needed...and I was a hero. After my sister (one that wasn't getting married) was done crying, we rushed to the Church. The ceremony was beautiful, especially the second reading. The reception full of dancing and fun was amazing, and my gal was gourgeous. After the night, I was tired, so i slept. It was good. (more to come)
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| Um...er... |
[21 Nov 2005|05:45pm] |
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What happened to me? Why do I feel so old? Why do I think too much about things? ...wait...am I doing that right now?
I realized that I've been feeling so old because I've been thrust into adulthood. Right out of college, I had to live on my own...had to find a way to stay in Maryland. I had to live paycheck to paycheck, ride an hour to work each morning, and deal with my sister. Then, I had to deal with the eviction. I came home to find all my stuff on the lawn with no warning, and my sister not paying rent for two months, and not having paid it ontime...EVER. I've been thrust into this stressful world, where I am worried all the time about everything.
So, let's make me a kid again. Let's make me feel better about just letting lose about life. I've been growing up too fast...too soon, and I'm sick of it...SO SICK OF IT.
WHO"S WITH ME!!!???
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